Drag the Dress goes international!
Studio Ugly introduces the latest number 1 FauxTographer© in the entire world, Jade D. Christian.
Jade D. Christian agreed to meet with Studio Ugly to discuss her/him/it's recent rise to fame as well as the latest drag the dress phenomenon...
Studio Ugly- Hello Jade, as you know, this interview is just a prelude to many interviews to come. We wanted to take this opportunity to introduce you and your amazing talents to our one fan, Mel, here at Studio Ugly.
Jade- Thank you, it's nice to be here.
Studio Ugly – One thing we have noticed in the wedding industry lately, is a phenomenon referred to as "drag the dress". We were wondering if you could give us a little insight on this latest and greatest trend.
Jade- Sure. Well, as you have reported through previous interviews, in order to be the number one wedding FauxTographer©, one needs to be "hot". 20 years ago, it was considered unusual for a woman to be a top photographer. In fact, back then, it was difficult for women to be taken seriously in the realm of professional photography. But, in today's world, it is almost unheard of to be a successful wedding FauxTographer© based upon shear photographic talent. People need to have sex appeal in order to successfully market themselves and rise through the ranks of corporate sponsored, fake, world competition. Drag the dress was born of a need. Men are being overlooked in regards to sex appeal. The only way we can compete on the current playing field is to create the illusion of feminine beauty and use this fantasy to market our camera skills.
Studio Ugly – Camera Skills?
Jade- You know, the ability to drive camera sales and other products for our corporate masters at Canon or whomever you can get to slap you on the cover of a magazine. I’ll pretty much endorse whatever for the right price. My favorite lens is currently the 50 1 2. Not only will it improve the quality of your life, it even helps your self esteem.
Studio Ugly – It almost seems as if gone are the days when a photograph could speak for itself.
Jade- I guess. I do know I like money, I'll do whatever it takes.
Studio Ugly- That's interesting Jade, because what you said earlier about women having a hard time being taken seriously in the realm of professional photography 20 years ago, it makes you sound like some kind of feminist. When I think about it, it does seem strange how far women have come and yet how far they have debased themselves at the same time. It makes me wonder if there will ever be a time when a persons photographic talent will transcend their gender or sex appeal.
Jade- Im not a feminist! I just want to make money. I'll sell women right down the toilet as long as I can get a nice car, a hand bag or some Jimmy Choo shoes. I love objectifying women. I think objects on top of objects is sexy.
Studio Ugly- What do you mean objects on top of objects?
Jade- Take women in fashion magazines, their basically just mannequins or dress up dolls, with bodies contorted into ridiculous positions to better sell you clothing, shoes and hats, etc. Get it? Objects on top of objects.
Studio Ugly – True. We have noticed with many of the number 1 FauxTographers© in the entire world, they usually have a back story about their name. Do you have anything to share about your name?
Jade- I found a website with an alphabetical listing of stripper names. Jessica, Jillian, Scarlet, Jasmine, Bambi, Julia and Bailey were already taken. So, I opted for Jade D. Christian.
Studio Ugly – Great Jade, Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us so openly. We look forward to learning more about you and your business in future interviews. Until then, we would like to wish you and all of our one fan an Ugly day!
Jade – Do you cut me the check here or do I need to go talk to Just Max?
Let them eat cake!
The making of Jillian Starlette.
With her recent rise to fame and now being named as one of the worlds top ten wedding fauxtographers (within just a few short moments of picking up the camera), Jillian Starlette asked us to post something to give everyone a little insight into the steps it took for her to get where she is today. She is convinced photographers everywhere want to know! We understand she thinks of herself as a writer, and as you will see, she is fantastic. We at STUDIO UGLY, and all of our fans, look forward to reading what it takes to be a star! And now, without further ado, in her very own words, we bring to you the making of Jillian Starlette according to Jillian Starlette as seen by Jillian Starlette and no one else...
It's about half way through the wedding season and I figured why not show off how incredibly cool JB and I are. I mean, we're so cool your eyes may freeze out of your skull just by looking at my bountiful cleavage. We are that cool. At least "I" am that cool. Oh, and on the very rare occasions when we have to actually show up and shoot weddings, we're infinity x cool {to the 100th power}. Granted this equation = zero as you have to solve the set inside the { } in a differential equation, before you solve for x. X being the amount of cool we are. So you can see that {nothing to the power of one hundred is zero} therefor infinity x cool x zero would be zero, we are, in essence, not cool in the slightest. I do, however, stand all day long in a waterfall of sunshine with rainbows shooting out of my head in unicorn land.
In honor of my coolness, I wanted to share a bit of my history and how I came to be so cool...
Timing is everything. It all started when Jay Davis shot my wedding. He noticed my raw potential as a Hollywood typecast for the latest celebrity idolization trend. This was also a time when the corporations realized they could create a sort of celebrity set of wedding photographers to act as salesmen. The idea is that we portray a personality the masses can relate to, get them to follow us as their inspiration and role model for photographic aspirations, then sell them on the gadgets and gizmo's placed in our hands by the corporate giants. In the process, photographers have been able to come up with their own products to sell. This method of helping the sales photographers become rich keeps us all licking the ass of the corporate beast without question. I was discovered as the perfect typecast around the same time blogger, Tila Tequila, got her start in the reality series, "a shot at love with Tila Tequila". As you know, she portrayed herself as a sexy vixen, and obviously this approach worked. Hollywood knows what it is doing! This is why my original blog features a bio photo of myself looking like a phone sex advertisement. Sex sells. Jay Davis, being the business savvy user of Hollywood name dropping and already a corporate whore himself (however, we will all profess that it is the work of god), sent me to meet with industry heavy-weight photographer, Ian Lipshits.
"I walked up the flight of stairs to his office and stood outside the door for two seconds too long. Within those two pulsating heart beats, I questioned why I was there. Well, of course I did, I am barely alive with a heart beating only 60 seconds per minute when under great a deal of anxious stress and after climbing several flights of stairs. Imagine how low it would be when completely relaxed! While my mind wandered to the depths of heart beats and the fact that I am still existing, I suddenly remembered where my thoughts began...why I am about to walk into this Belmont Shore office. I should not have allowed those 2 seconds to be stolen, damn the wandering mind; I should have held them tightly, taking the breath right out of them, collapsing right there, right then!
He's on the phone when I walk in and looks at me like any man might look at a hot woman with a prominent display of rotund cleavage. He forgot...I just knew he would forget. This is why I chose to wear the low cut blouse. I knew I could pull in his interest with the right outfit. He places his tanned hand over the phone's mouth (start sensual close up of french film cliche) and whispers for me to have a seat. I am proud of my legs in this skirt. I gladly take a seat, slowly crossing my legs, keeping my eyes on his glance. I begin pouring over his images. Beautiful. Breathtaking, really. What I really want him to say is that taking these pictures was easy and he'll be more than happy to show me how. I want him to ask me to be his apprentice, like a common day Claudel and Rodin, if you know what i mean. I'll accept his offer and then we'd celebrate with Godiva chocolate-dipped strawberries and flutes of champagne. Yes, my daydreaming involved alcohol. Alcohol gives me the courage I need to sell myself.
He recommends what lenses I should purchase. In another day dream, I imagine he offers them to me for free or at least for an exchange of sorts. I dutifully write down what each lens specializes in. Ceremony, check. Preparation detail, check. Reception, got it. The photography course is over. I can officially go into business as a wedding photographer.
The phone rings and he excuses himself. I drink more imaginary champagne. He hangs up and tells me to feel free to look around. I ease myself from the chair, completely aware of my body as it arches in the most flattering of moves. He is typing away at his computer. I want his attention, so I purposely knock a stack of photos from his desk. I bend down to pick them up, certain that his eyes are on me. They are his photos, not mine. However, I flip through the images as I gather the pile now scattered across the floor. Some are postcards, some are invitations. As I restack the cards, one falls to the floor again. When I reach down to pick it up, I read a return address from the wedding invitation. Unbelievable. 2459 Jillian Starlette Way. I look up and give him a crooked smile. He takes the bait. I give him what he needs.
While I am thankful we've met and he did sacrifice 3 minutes of his time, I leave his office feeling empty. It occurs to me that selling myself has left a vacuous hole in the core of my being. After shaking his tanned hand goodbye, I felt good. Sure, my soul felt empty, but I knew then that I would succeed. And, I even had a name... Jillian Starlette. Yes, I would do as they say, but it would be seen as doing things my way, the Jillian Starlette Way...to be more precise."
And this, my friends, is truly how it all began. The first chapter, so to speak. I do plan to write a book. Tila Tequila wrote a book and so I am convinced that I can too! If not, I can always put my name on a book that my sponsors want me to pretend I wrote.
Telling lies is bad according to Jesus but, when it comes to sales and business, lying is different. For example, my very first engagement session was with a couple of friends of mine who were not even dating. I could not find anyone to pose for me for free as I was trying to build my website portfolio, so I bribed my friends and forced them to pretend they were engaged. I encourage others to do this when starting out if they are having a hard time finding subjects. Having these photos will legitimize your website and over inflated pricing. Once you are in business and develop a following of blog stalking fans, you can begin to share your faith in God. Sharing your faith will bring in more fans, create a false bond of trust with potential clients and make you look like a really good person. In this regard, lying is more like part of your mission from God. You have to lie to get into business, and really, you have to keep lying in order to stay in business, but once you are there, you can use Gods name to promote more business as well as use your business contacts to spread his name while furthering your own career. Even if it sounds entirely hypocritical, Jesus understands. And besides, everyone does it. I like to call it "Lying for Jesus".
"I'm sure pretty I had one too many Temple's, Shirley"
"Not exactly what I was expecting from a buttery nipple"
Dress for success...
An in-depth look at the bowels of wedding fauxtography, starring our very own Jillian Starlette!
I was minding my own business when Jillian Starlette approached me. Apparently, she decided I needed to shoot and interview her for Studio Ugly “because some things have to be recorded for posterity”. As soon as I saw her approach, I knew the following conversation would be worth its weight in mailboxes, so I started up my Uber 5000 #1 fan helmet, got out my camera and proceeded to shoot and interview Jillian Starlette. My #1 fan helmet utilizes the latest in speech to type software and transcribes all speech as it comes out of me and any garbage that decides to bore through my ear canal into my mind. It has a usb port, firewire support and 12 gigs of storage. The following is what transpired including all of the extra special phrases “like, you know, um, like… whatever” The helmet took the better part of a week trying to disgorge the contents of it’s’ memory and subsequently died after the following was printed to my screen. Only product placement and name dropping have been altered to protect your soul. After the quick photo shoot, we sat for a rest... |
Jillian Starlette – Hey everyone, thank you so much to everyone who likes to talk to me and send me emails and...
SU – Who are you talking to?
Jillian Starlette – Haven’t we started the Interview?
SU – What?
Jillian Starlett – I wanted you to interview me for uh, you know Studio Ugly, I just wanted to um, do this kind of thing to open up my brain for you to pick. I’ve been asked to be a mentor on this really cool website (name drop) because, um, yea … anyway, I need pictures for it and I know people need to hear like, what I have to say. That way they can hear, you know, what I say.
SU – This should be good …
Jillian Starlette – um, I am a wedding photographer out here. I love shooting weddings.
SU – I assume you have started the interview without me or any questions from me; so, I will interject a question...
SU – A lot of photographers want to know about lighting, off camera flash and fill flash reflectors and the like, when you shoot, how do you handle lighting? How is it that the pictures on your blog are so well exposed and always in focus with such vibrant colors and such great Bokeh?
Jillian Starlett - I notice a lot of people want to know about lighting, and to be completely honest about this, lighting is not what I consider to be my strong point. Umm, I kind of pull it off, but I really don’t um, have a lot of knowledge about it eXpecially when it comes to off camera flash and fill flash and stuff, I just don’t know much about lighting at all, heh. I’m still learning myself and that sort of thing. Most of what you see on my site is um, yah know natural light… unless it’s from a reception and obviously I’m using flash tuh, tuh increase the exposure to that.
SU - What?
Jillian Starlett - Well, as far as portraits, I pretty much use um, natural light, the 50 1 2 is one of my favorite lenses and I love it because it, um, let’s in so much light and it isn’t very heavy. Um… and… Yes, shade is very important um, I really really try to avoid direct sunlight because that can really just like um, wash people out and just be overexposed,
SU – Wait, what? Why don’t you set your camera for the light... ahhhh, skip it. What about the Bokeh?
Jillian Starlett – The what?
SU - *sigh* The blurry background
Jillian Starlett – Oh, that's just the lens.
SU – Would you care to elaborate on that?
Jillian Starlett – The sun is bright and it makes people have the squinty eyes and things like that. But if I have to do it in the sunlight … I try to backlight them, where the sun is actually behind them? And it actually really adds like a really cool glow um kind of behind their head.
SU – You just answer with whatever you want and I don’t really need to be here, do I?
Jillian Starlett - as far as exposure, It’s just you know, a matter of, you know, trying tuh nail it as much as possible in the camera and you know, um, getting it directly, you know, in the center from, you know, the minus and plus. But um, shade is a photographer’s best friend. So yea, just shoot in the shade all the time, that really works. But you have to be careful under trees because sometimes you get some splotchy-ness where like the sun will come through in different areas, like you might have a splotch of sun here and it’s shaded here, so like, just take them to another side of something and just like, backlight them with the sun coming down, instead of the sun directly in their face.
SU – Are you repeating things you have memorized?
Jillian Starlett – Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, like I feel like I'm just kind of not exactly answering the questions but, um, I hope that somehow this is actually helping.
SU – So, lighting is not your forte?
Jillian Starlett – What?
SU - *sigh* You said Lighting is not, um, exactly your, you know, strong point. What is your, like, strongest point?
Jillian Starlett – marketing, I’m still trying to learn the right and wrong way about going about it. From my experience I have never had any luck with print advertisement. I focus more on relationships with other vendors in the industry. My best resources is other vendors in the industry. It’s important not to approach other people in the industry as if you are wanting something. Try to pretend you just want to be friends. That’s important to get to know the person for who they are first. It’s not nice when trying to use someone and trying to ride their tail feathers, so always pretend to be their friend first.
SU – Isn’t that riding on their tail feathers?
Jillian Starlett – not if they don’t know it, and everyone does it.
SU - …
Jillian Starlett - I consider myself more like a Mercedes kind of photographer than a Saturn, so it's important which vendors I get to know. It’s the difference between a fine art photographer verses someone there to just capture all the everyday stuff.
SU – and you consider yourself a fine art photographer?
Jillian Starlett – Yea, you know, when you shoot weddings you are like the director. Don’t be afraid to, you know, interject ideas or move groomsmen. I have gone up on the altar before to move the priest and the couple really appreciated it. Weddings are like too hard though.
SU - Which lenses do you use when shooting a wedding?
Jillian Starlett – lenses...um, let’s see my two favorite right now are the 50 1 2, 28 2.8? Yeah its 2.8, 85 1 8 and 100 2.8 is good for macro.
SU – Wait, you’re saying your macro lens is a good lens for macro shots?
Jillian Starlett – The 100 2 8 is a good macro lens, yes, it’s good for macro.
SU – I just want to be clear here, your big revelation is that your macro lens, that is designed to be used as a macro lens, is good for macro?
Jillian Starlett – Sure …
SU – Okay, please continue.
Jillian Starlett – Well you know I should probably um, have my camera bag (product endorsement) out so I can tell you more. So I can get the numbers off the lenses cuz I don’t really know what the numbers mean so I can never remember them. Numbers are hard.
SU - what would you say is your favorite lens for shooting weddings?
Jillian Starlett - Again a really great lens like the 50 1 2 that lets in a lot of light. It’s been funny to see reactions from people at weddings. I used a 50 1 2 during group shots and the whole time a grandma was saying "doesn’t she need to use flash"? And the bride was like, "grandma, she knows what she is doing"! And then when they saw the results they were so amazed.
SU – So, you shoot group shots with your 50 mm at f1.2?
Jillian Starlett – What?
SU – *sigh* you shoot group shots with a 50 1 2?
Jillian Starlett – Yah, you know, it’s about finding the light in the dark even when its completely dark, you have to, you know, nail the line thingy in between plus and minus.
SU – So, the bride’s eyelash is the only thing in focus on your group shots?
Jillian Starlett – What?
(At this point in the conversation, Jillian stood up to demonstrate how to properly hold a camera, then handed me 10 bucks and a piece of paper with questions printed on it. So, I read them to her. Hey, 10 bucks is 10 bucks.)
SU -Never mind. Your portrait sessions have a very romantic style; do you instruct your clients a lot in order to get a great shot?
Jillian Starlett - this is something I’m figuring out is kind of my niche. I seem to be able to get a lot of emotion. I think it’s just because I love love so much. For my shooting style I pretty much tell them that I just want you to make out all over the place. I don’t direct too much I give like suggestions here and there, maybe like try to kiss each other but don’t kiss each other you know little things like that. I just kind of like picture what I’ve seen in a movie. I tell them the weirder it feels the better it looks. I think it has a lot to do with being able to feel comfortable. Name drop, and name drop have helped me so much with all of this stuff.
SU - You tell them the weirder it feels the better it looks but it has a lot to do with being comfortable? Does feeling weird make them comfortable?
Jillian Starlett - the more people you can make look at you and look at what you’re doing is the better for marketing. So, the more weird you can be with a couple, the better it is for marketing. People will walk up and ask for a business card if you make the photo shoot look really weird.
SU- Wait, so you use your couple to gather attention to yourself while you shoot in public?
Jillian Starlett – Yes, and be sure to wear some rockin heels and a mini.
SU- *blink* Your images are so vibrant, what do you use for editing to provide such a consistent look?
Jillian Starlett - I have a setting I call my fabulous cross setting. I pretty much apply it to every picture. It’s really nice to just click a button and boom it does all of the adjustments for a picture.
I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah, in bridge, I batch process, like, 200 photos at a time; just sync it so that the affects will apply to all of the pictures. Photoshop is great for airbrushing and little adjustments here and there, but you really have to use lightroom or bridge. Photoshop takes too long and it’s too hard. I do run some actions in photoshop for the images on my blog, but that’s all. I create a kind of illusion that all of my work looks like my blog. Just like (name drop, name drop, name drop) do.
SU -How much time do you spend on your workflow?
Jillian Starlett - (laugh) As little as possible, I think one time I did time it, and if I just sat down from beginning to end I was able to knock out a wedding in 4 hours? Again, love batch processing. I think it was, it took two hours to go through 2,000 or 3,000 images to decide which ones to keep and then another 2 hours to color correct, love batch processing.
SU - *blink, blink* How long before clients see their images?
Jillian Starlett -About 4 weeks, but if it’s a portrait session 1 or 2 weeks because those are easier to knock out than a wedding. (name drop, advertise, software, action set blah blah blah, she just rattled off a lot of names and products here)
SU - Do you have a second photographer when you shoot weddings?
Jillian Starlett - I'm always looking for second shooters. One great thing about networking with other photographers is that now I’m in the position where people ask to work for me. It's great to take someone under your wing and usually their photos are better than mine and free, so it does not cost any money for me. I wish I could do nothing but second shoot. No pressure. Great for getting a portfolio cuz a wedding is different than a portrait session. Weddings are hard and you have to be the director. Second shooters get to be more relaxed and take only photos they feel like taking.
SU - *sigh* what’s your favorite ice cream?
Jillian Starlett - Anything chocolate.
SU- Do you shoot in raw or jpg?
Jillian Starlett - I'm a raw kind of girl! Oh, that didn’t sound very good did it? (giggle). I have recently started a vegetarian raw diet where you eat nothing cooked or processed. Of course, sometimes I have to eat cooked food, like, you know, when I go to a restaurant or something. I have this great friend who is also a photographer, name drop, and she is an expert on the raw food diet.
SU - Isn't chocolate ice cream a processed food?
Jillian Starlett - huh?
SU - Sorry, that question was not on your list. We noticed you mention Jesus a lot on your blog; did God lead you into photography? Could you explain how God and Jesus make you a better photographer?
Jillian Starlett – It’s cool getting the spiritual questions too. My relationship with god is the most important thing in my life and something I’m so proud to be a follower of christ and have this relationship and I love just talking about god and stuff. It’s cool to be known that I’m not used for my photography but as an example of gods glory too.
I couldn’t work in the corporate world. I’m a very out of the box thinker, and work is hard. I’m a creative thinker. I need to feel like I’m not a robot in the corporate world. At first it was graphic design freelance and then videography and then photography was where my heart was all along but I didn’t think you could make money as a photographer so I didn’t pursue it, I like money. Through daily prayer and daily seeking gods direction I realized that photography was what he wanted me to focus on because the wedding photography workshop industry was exploding and all and now I can pay my bills and buy these cool shoes.
Name drop, name drop, product placement, name drop and then some more Jesus.
Here is where the Uber 5000 #1 fan helmet took a nosedive; I think you get the idea.
Julia's face melts in dismay as she slumps into a state of catatonia after the interview.
Studio Ugly introduces fabu-fauxtographer, Jillian Starlette!
