We here at Studio Ugly take our jobs very, very seriously. So much so, that we have taken a small hiatus from the blog in order to study with a few of the minor deities of Faux-tograghy. I would mention their names but we were forced at butter-knife-point to sign an exclusive NDA, because they are so massive and important to the survival of mankind as we know it. They are also so totally attractive that everyone envies everything about them, at all times. We have also taken a few courses with Annie Leibovitz to learn how to handle our stock portfolios and bank accounts.  These household names have helped us immensely, as we had so obviously lost our way. To make up for our absence, we will be sharing a bit of inspiration, garnered from the countless minutes we spent in study. For example, the ever popular and totally groundbreaking new trend in the art of fake bokeh has inspired us to revisit the finer art of selective de-saturation. As a result, we bring to you an exclusive behind the scenes view of studio ugly at work...self portraits in Selective De-saturation. This underused and very difficult to master skill set is a sure sign that you are dealing with an experienced Faux-tographer.  See if you can find Max and Julia. The first 1 million people to spot us will win a free ear of corn, a gallon of Oxygen or a brand new Cannon Mark 25d x, this new prototype camera / robot will take pictures for you and wash your car.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a skull pop?

Studio Ugly is proud to see this concept is being embraced and experimented with by the better photographers of the WORLD...

Jade D. Christian agreed to meet with Studio Ugly to discuss her/him/it's recent rise to fame as well as the latest drag the dress phenomenon...

Studio Ugly- Hello Jade, as you know, this interview is just a prelude to many interviews to come. We wanted to take this opportunity to introduce you and your amazing talents to our one fan, Mel, here at Studio Ugly.

 

Jade- Thank you, it's nice to be here.

 

Studio Ugly – One thing we have noticed in the wedding industry lately, is a phenomenon referred to as "drag the dress". We were wondering if you could give us a little insight on this latest and greatest trend.

 

Jade- Sure. Well, as you have reported through previous interviews, in order to be the number one wedding FauxTographer©, one needs to be "hot". 20 years ago, it was considered unusual for a woman to be a top photographer. In fact, back then, it was difficult for women to be taken seriously in the realm of professional photography. But, in today's world, it is almost unheard of to be a successful wedding FauxTographer© based upon shear photographic talent. People need to have sex appeal in order to successfully market themselves and rise through the ranks of corporate sponsored, fake, world competition. Drag the dress was born of a need. Men are being overlooked in regards to sex appeal. The only way we can compete on the current playing field is to create the illusion of feminine beauty and use this fantasy to market our camera skills.

 

Studio Ugly – Camera Skills?

 

Jade- You know, the ability to drive camera sales and other products for our corporate masters at Canon or whomever you can get to slap you on the cover of a magazine. I’ll pretty much endorse whatever for the right price. My favorite lens is currently the 50 1 2. Not only will it improve the quality of your life, it even helps your self esteem.

 

Studio Ugly – It almost seems as if gone are the days when a photograph could speak for itself.

 

Jade- I guess. I do know I like money, I'll do whatever it takes.

Studio Ugly- That's interesting Jade, because what you said earlier about women having a hard time being taken seriously in the realm of professional photography 20 years ago, it makes you sound like some kind of feminist. When I think about it, it does seem strange how far women have come and yet how far they have debased themselves at the same time. It makes me wonder if there will ever be a time when a persons photographic talent will transcend their gender or sex appeal. 

Jade- Im not a feminist! I just want to make money. I'll sell women right down the toilet as long as I can get a nice car, a hand bag or some Jimmy Choo shoes. I love objectifying women. I think objects on top of objects is sexy. 

Studio Ugly- What do you mean objects on top of objects?

Jade- Take women in fashion magazines, their basically just mannequins or dress up dolls, with bodies contorted into ridiculous positions to better sell you clothing, shoes and hats, etc. Get it? Objects on top of objects. 

Studio Ugly – True. We have noticed with many of the number 1 FauxTographers© in the entire world, they usually have a back story about their name. Do you have anything to share about your name?

 

Jade- I found a website with an alphabetical listing of stripper names. Jessica, Jillian, Scarlet, Jasmine, Bambi, Julia and Bailey were already taken. So, I opted for Jade D. Christian. 

Studio Ugly – Great Jade, Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us so openly. We look forward to learning more about you and your business in future interviews. Until then, we would like to wish you and all of our one fan an Ugly day!

 

Jade – Do you cut me the check here or do I need to go talk to Just Max?